God cares about your bigs & your littles.

February 10, 2015 – a Tuesday. What’s been going on? Warning: this bit is about God and our lives here in general. So read, or not, you have been warned. 

Praise Report! Little Olaf went to his pulmonologist last Thursday. So, so sweet – his physician stayed late to get him in since she learned that we were moving and his regular appointment was still 3 weeks away. Anyway, our boy has grown – taller and put on some weight! However, he now needs to gain at least 3lbs instead of the usual 1lb. We are pushing those cupcakes, brownies and big, fatty meals over here! But the exciting news was that he FEVI score (measures how much air he can push through his lungs – this is a BIG deal for those with CF) was 101%?!!! What?! I know! Nothing short of miraculous!! His last test measured around 80% so this is HUGE! 

While at the office, my O and I could feel the love around us. The amazing nurse, the caring doctor. Poor Little O knew that this would be his last appointment with his care team and he grieved hard. At one point, He was in his physician’s lap and they were crying together. I just sat there teary-eyed, amazed and thankful. Love can grow and flourish in relationships that you may never expect. It was moving. We left with heavy hearts but uplifted spirits. Look what God did with the hearts of a nurse, a doctor and a little patient. It was a love of respect, great care, and of an investment of time. But on that day it was palpable. Afterwards, Little O and I picked up Jonah and I took them out for ice cream. I wanted for them to focus on something fun and I needed to process these events. 

Friday, I carried back a precious little visitor who had snuck into our bed around 5:30, but then laid there awake. Turns out that the Big O was awake as well. It was closing day on the new house! We got up and got the boys to school, left all of their stuff (O’s therapy things, bedding) in a pile for the dear neighbors to pick up later, and hit the road. It took us about an hour to realize that we were alone, just the two of us, like it was years before, however we are older, rounder, and hopefully wiser now. It was fun. Long story short – a few repairs were not completed in the home to our satisfaction so we were unable to close that day. It was really surreal. We stood there in what we thought would be our new house that day and just thought, “Huh.” There was nothing to do but wait – well, our realtor did most of the work while we just stood there and waited. We even took a walk around the block at one point to clear our heads and seek counsel from wise friends. We never had the feeling of “Run; however, we did not know why things were not going as planned. You know that saying about the best laid plans……. Bonus, we got to go out to dinner alone and stay in a fun hotel (where we crashed at 10:30)! We are so wild! However, even then we did not receive quality sleep. We were tired from an early start, long drive and unexpected results. We drove back on Saturday, which was more exhausting, but that is when a few things began to fall into place. 

We realized that even though we would close on that house, it would not be until this week. This fact pushed our actual moving date back a week and we found out yesterday that we will not move down until next week. What does this all mean to us- please, let me tell you how personal our God is! Our sweet boys were both upset to miss their Valentine’s party at school. Well, now they will be there! The seller of the home could not get something repaired so we will now receive some cash to repair that item. We can use that! This Mama finally went to the doctor and was diagnosed with bronchitis yesterday, so I am grateful for an extra week of rest before the moving madness/new job/new schools/new life schedule starts! I will take our little Jonah to the doctor later today because his coughs have gotten worse – without any background noise (read rush) in my head! We missed church this past weekend because Jonah and I were not well. He did better than me; I got up at 9 and went back to bed at 11. Fortunately, the Big O is an amazing father, so he took care of his boys while Mama rested – I love that man! However, we will get to attend this weekend for our last service there! But the biggest bonus for us moving down one week later is that we get to spend more time with our family/friends here! Oh, our God is so so good to us! He cares about our littles and our bigs! From Valentine’s parties, to resting, to spending quality time with those you love – He knows and is giving us this gift of time!

Looking back and knowing all of the ups and downs that we have encountered this year alone, I am ashamed that I have not recorded (most) of them for you to read. If anything, I just want people to know Jesus. The more that I spend time getting to know Him, the more I am often left speechless at His goodness, His love but most especially His faithfulness. He has never left us hanging, not even once. When we do not understand (like driving six hours and then driving another six the next day with no new house), we found rest in knowing that He knew this was coming and He will fill us in in His good timing. Hey – maybe He just wanted us to have a date!

We really do realize how crazy this Jesus stuff sounds to many people; however, I encourage you to get to know Him. You can do this by picking up a Bible in an easy-to-understand translation – trust me, this rocked my world! When I could actually understand what was going on, I could hardly put it down! I recommend and use the New Living Translation (NLT). It’s in plain-Jane English and I love it. The Bible can open up your heart and mind to God, as the Bible is a living, breathing book. I have found this to be true, as I have read it several times now and every single time I get something new out of it that pertains to my current situation. Really. Try it. It is God-breathed. He knows you, He created you and He wants to give you the best life on this side of time and the next. The Bible has changed me for the better, I am not perfect for sure – never will be, but I am better. The best part though is that the Bible challenges me to make bold steps, with people and things.  There is no way that my selfish self would do many of the things that I do without Jesus challenging me to do so. It’s just not possible for me. However, He fills me up and keeps me going, craving more of His crazy love for His people. 

This all leads back to our girl. Adoption was God’s idea. He told us to do it. It sounded pretty crazy from a human perspective. I mean, we are a bit older than some of our children’s’ parents, our oldest son has Cystic Fibrosis, it’s just so risky (that’s a funny one – will write about that one later), it takes so long, it costs so much, didn’t we have enough on our hands, we are not qualified to raise another child, we are busy enough, right? Excuses are so human and way too easy. We prayed about this and then leaned on what we have learned through years of reading the Bible and listening for His voice. If He asks us to do something, anything at all, He will see us through the entire process and then be as wild as to bless us for being obedient! Like, really. I appreciate when my boys obey but I am not going to pass out candy every time. But my God does. Often it is in the form of immense joy and a constant state of peace. Sometimes, it is fun surprises like a date night, free babysitting offered from friends, an extra percent off that I did not see at the clothing store, or people doing things to make our lives easier for free. It’s always a surprise, but I know that it’s Him. 

I can attest that we have been more blessed by the all-encompassing peace that He has given to us than probably anything else. Car needs an expensive part – peace in knowing that He will provide. Suddenly the washing machine kicks the bucket – He provided within several hours! School had to call an ambulance for our son – this was concerning, of course, but I told myself immediately and repeated it out loud, “God you have got this. Please, protect him.” The “He’s got this” part was a personal reminder to me; the “protect him” prayer was for my son. There is even MORE craziness than this; however, I will not share them all in this blog. Point is: God cares for you more than you probably realize and He desires for you to get to know Him. He cannot wait to shower you with blessings that are personal in nature to you. He thinks about you all of the time. He knows you better than yourself. Why not take 5 minutes and just read? It could change your life in ways you have never dreamed of!

Redemption and Fear

January 30, 2015 – early Friday morning. It’s late, or early, like 12:30AM today but I am wide awake. I just realized that our little girl will receive her gifts from us today! I am SO EXCITED- this is like Christmas-level excitement for me! For the 1^st time ever, our daughter will get gifts from her family who has already been praying for her and loving her for so long! Words fail me, I am just elated! She will receive her already-slept-with-and-hopefully-still-smells-like-us My Little Pony doll and a pre-recorded book that the Big O and I read to her about how much she is loved! And, the precious family that so graciously brought this along with them (in route to go to court for their own children that they will bring home) also made a photo book of us to give to our girl! We had not done this since our little girl is not officially “ours” yet, her sweet Papa is trying to hold out as he does not want to confuse her just in case something comes up. He loves her so much already – so protective! However, the other Mama and I are just claiming that she is ours already so she took time out of her life and printed out pictures of us! The people who have come into our lives during this process are nothing short of amazing!  

So, what’s been going on? TONS! Like an overwhelming amount of stuff which I have allowed to keep me from writing. I will get better. I will. I will. Ok, we are officially moving. Remember the house that I mentioned a few weeks ago? Ok, well we are set to officially purchase it next week. Next week, hmm, sounds so weird. We will then uproot the boys (and us) from our as-we-know-it lives and move to the metroplex area in pursuit of our soon-to-be-a-new-normal lives. I have kept busy doing lots of the background work – new doctors, schools, utilities, etc. Fun, stressful, exhausting and quite emotional.  Plus, Little O fell at school two weeks ago, so we have also kept busy with a few new doctor visits and getting his front teeth repaired. My Mom has always told me that my family may be a lot of things, but that we are not boring. Boy, was she right!

Tomorrow, I mean, later today, I will get to do more of that type of “organizing”. We are also trying to get in all of the necessary or pre-scheduled doctor’s visits that we can before we make the move. We are planning on returning to Lubbock quite a bit this year, however, I must embrace this change. I love the pediatric pulmonologist and nurse that our Little Olaf has had and I am just having a difficult time letting go. We have been blessed to receive such excellent care here. I am sure that he will receive the same great care somewhere in DFW, but I have a relationship with the pulmonologist here. Anyone else have this? I love his doctor. I feel pretty sure that she loves him. I mean, I know his doctor’s mother and tell her every time I see her what a great job she did raising her daughter. Oh, this is tough – and this is just one of Little O’s doctors. I broke down at my hair dresser’s appointment on Wednesday, true story.  We just cried and hugged. Sometimes, it feels like too much. However, both the Big O and I know that this is God’s plan for us. We do not want to miss out on His plan – it is always more than we could have dreamed of, asked for or imagined.

News on Sister – yes, kind of! Our lawyer received our dossier and remarked to our adoption agent jokingly that “all of us white people look alike!” I laughed out loud! We like this guy already! Humor really can make the world go ‘round! This week, our lawyer will commission a third-party private investigator to look into Sister’s background, in order to confirm that she is “adoptable.” He will also commission the social worker at her Baby Home to begin the same exhaustive process. This is a tough one for us. We want what is best for this child. Sure, we want to bring her here, but in order for her to be “adoptable”, they must prove that she has no living family that they can find and/or know of. I cannot wish that for anyone. So, we pray through this part. This is most-likely the case for most of the children at the home; however, it is not something that you would want for anyone. I do love how ethical our adoption agency is, and how thorough Uganda and the USA are regarding this sensitive issue. The time it takes to do this is numbing; however, our friends are there right now, and we will get our turn too. During this process, we will also receive her official birth certificate – exciting, I know! 

And, we got a new picture a few days ago!!!! If you are already a parent, this feels exactly like when you see a sonogram picture! She looked a bit taller in this one – our girl is growing! – and, she wore a pink dress! Oh, ruffles, tutus, tiaras, we are coming!!!! Anyway, it is so thrilling to see that face and a bit sad that she is getting older without us. However, we continue to focus on the future hope of being together. Yes, the big picture is our family of 5. Staring at that photo is wonderful, as the hopes and dreams that you have for your child begin to form, but also a bit frightening as you wonder if they will attach to you well, will they adapt, will she be happy here, etc. Again, focusing on her precious face and our dreams for her…. Ugh, as you can tell, this grafting-into-the-family process is just as emotional, if not more so, then bringing biological children into the world. I am experiencing those same New Mama fears, but my baby can walk and talk!

There are so many things that I have not yet put to paper and need to share, but the biggest thing on my heart is to not allow your fear get in the way of God’s plans for you. When we started this process we had lots of questions, and even more fear. We STILL have lots of questions; however, our agent fills us in as we go, which is best (and keeps it from becoming overwhelming). Let me tell you, it really feels like we have been waiting on Sister FOREVER, but in actuality, it has been less than a year. This is not a long time when put into perspective. It has been incredibly emotional, and will continue to be. However, what parent would not get emotional about their child? Not once has anyone in this family said that it is not worth it. 

Fear is not worth missing out on incredible things in your life. Sure, the unknown is just that, unknown, but why would anyone chose to let that take the wheel? Perhaps, it’s a faith issue, I am not sure. What I can tell you with certainty is that we were Believers in Christ before this process, we believe that God told us to adopt – so we are being obedient to His calling and plan for us, but throughout this still-to-be-completed process He has not left us stranded or abandoned. Not once. How are we going to pay for this? Boom – money arrived. What, we need a new transmission? New friends took care of the bill. Washing machine bit the dust! A dear friend had just received a new one as a gift and was unable to sell her washer on a website. Wonder why – God was holding it for us! They sold us theirs for an incredible bargain. Little O’s school called saying that they had to call an ambulance for him – God was there, He knew this would happen. We were blessed with an ambulance to take him to the hospital, immediate action to assure that he was ok and a dentist to repair his teeth, all in the same day! That dentist was not supposed to be in her office that morning; however, she said it herself, “I guess God knew that I needed to be here.” Just incredible. I have A LOT more of these little stories that make up “our story” that I could share. However, the point that I am trying to make is that if you put your faith in God and then trust Him in the plans that He has for you, He will never leave you stranded. The details of our story will be different than the ones in yours; however, I assure you that He is interested in all of it. Every time we hit a “snag”, we just have to stop and pray for guidance and He shows up just as sure as if you would have called AAA. 

I found a beautiful quote on Pinterest that stated that “Adoption is the story of the Gospel in flesh and blood.” In my mind, this is true. We are not Jesus; however, adoption has redemption written all over it. What would you do to bring your child home? How much would you pay? How far would you travel? How much is enough? It is our job, with all of our children, to let it soak into their marrow that God, their Creator and we, their parents, love them. There is no too far, too much, too emotional, stopping point. It does not exist. We pray that our daughter will know, as we pray that our sons know that love has no boundaries. They are loved. 

I sat in my car and wept Wednesday morning, as I prayed for our sweet friends who are in in Uganda right now. I was so nervous for them. I mean, everything has to go as planned or you have to formulate an immediate (and unplannable) plan B. For me, watching them go before us is kind of like a “dry run”. The only kind of preview that we will get to see before it’s our turn. However, everything did go as planned! They arrived safely with all of their luggage and made it to the hotel. Today, like right now (!!!), they are in route to the Baby Home with lots of donated items to give to the Home and to other kiddos who have families waiting for them here.  After this 5 hour trip, they will get to spend time with their children and prepare for their court date. Oh, exciting! Terrifying! Amazing! All in the name of love. Overwhelming!

So, now, I guess I will try to go back to sleep while thinking about our beautiful girl opening up her gifts. I wonder what she will think when she hears our voices. I hope that she will love her pony. I pray that God will protect her, keep her healthy and that she will come to know Him as she matures. Oh, we cannot wait to bring this child home, our daughter. But today, she will learn we exist and are waiting, praying, hoping, for her. Redemption is beautiful.

BIG GOD - Behind the Scenes!

January 5, 2015 – a Monday. It’s been way too long and so much has been going on behind-the-scenes! Now, we are at a point where we can share our family news! Ok, the Big O has gotten the call to work permanently in the Dallas area. So, last week, he worked there while the boys and I looked at houses – just for fun. I mean I was just trying to get a feel for the area, how far he would have to drive to work every day, all of that crazy traffic  (small town living has ruined me driving-wise), you know, see stuff.  Well, low and behold our God had bigger (faster!) plans for us. We were in Dallas Sunday – Saturday. Yesterday was Monday and we have unofficially purchased a new home in the Dallas area and have a family wanting in this one! Really! They came and walked though it last night! Oh My God – You are so faithful and so overwhelmingly amazing! There are literally no words. 

What does this have to do with Sister, you may ask? Well, for one, all of this hustling and bustling has certainly helped with the fact that she is not home yet. We talk about her, pray for her and think of her daily. Being physically busy is helpful, though. Secondly, we believe that living in the Dallas area will be helpful to Sister. She will see a large variety of people and hear multiple languages on a daily basis. We are praying that this will be good for her. Also, we know that the process of moving to the USA, living with new people, eating new foods, learning a new language and getting on a different time zone will be quite stressful for our little lady. We feel that God has moved us now so that we can get adjusted and learn to call that new house “home” so that when she comes to join us it will be one less stressor for us all. We will already be home and we can focus on helping her adjust. Call us crazy, I mean really, this is wild, but we believe that God has had this all planned out from the very beginning! We are starting to see more pieces come together now – I am still overwhelmed and cannot begin to explain how good, yet humbling this feels. 

Prayer Requests: Please, join us in a massive prayer of thanks to God for providing this new home for our family before Sisters’ arrival. It is really bittersweet to leave Lubbock; however, we want God’s best for our family. 

Please, pray that we will be able to sell our current home quickly. While things look promising, we always ask for God’s blessing in every facet of our lives. We pray that this home will be just as amazing for the next family who lives here, as it has been for us. 

Please, pray for our family as we transition to “everything new” – new workplace, new school, new doctors, new everything. Please, pray that it goes smoothly and that we will find a great church quickly and some new friends, as well. 

Last but definitely not least, please pray that things with Sister will start to pick up now. We are waiting to hear that she is “officially ours” – then we can share her photo! And, we need a court date, as well. We can hardly wait to bring her home! This wait is worth it, but it is oh so hard.

Raw, painful wait.

December 13, 2014 – a Saturday. Warning: this is RAW stuff, really emotional. So, last week when walking down the aisle in search of lightbulbs, I passed the toy aisle and nearly broke into tears when carousing by all of the PINK girlie things! Almost in tears – in Walmart! Ugh. Pull it together. Yesterday and today it has just been really difficult. No new news on our little girl. Meanwhile lots going on here – getting ready for Christmas! – but lots of background stuff as well (I will share when we know what our plan is). Although, we have so so much to be thankful for here, and we are, I am really missing a little girl whom I have never met, a person who totally has my heart, a lovely, little lady whom I cannot wait to bring home.

I just would never have believed that it would be this hard. Sure, this process takes a LONG time. But yearning for someone that you have never met but already love – this is PAINFUL. If you have ever been pregnant, it’s like looking at that sonogram picture and dreaming about your ideas and plans for that precious little one. You see, we have seen several pictures of her, even two videos, we have even heard from two people who have met her who have said the exact same thing about her sweet personality! However, she is not home. We are incomplete. I love my family, our boys are precious to us, but we have a daughter now, and we want her home. 

I do not think that she is aware of us quite yet. At least I hope not. I would not want a baby girl to miss her Mama and Papa for so long. She is safe now. Happy, loved on and fed. She is surrounded by her friends, peers and people who provide for her needs. I do not wish this pain for her.

We are sending a package to Uganda this week with treats for all of the kiddos there and a stuffed My Little Pony horse for our girl. All of us have taken turns sleeping with this pony. We want our scent – the smell of her family, her home – to be on this pony. One of the sweetest things that I have ever seen happened last night. I came home late from a night out with a dear girlfriend and went into my bedroom to find my amazing husband sleeping with his arm around this pony! Usually, I am the one snuggled up with this animal; however, our little loves’ Daddy wanted to make sure that she could smell him, as well. It nearly took my breathe away. This is love. 

So, I am sad, maybe a bit depressed. I know that this will pass. God knows I have enough other things in my life to keep me busy. For now, I will just keep my “game face” on. We are blessed, happy, healthy, looking forward to an amazing future; however, the Big O and I are missing our little girl. I am learning that it is true what people say – holidays can indeed be lonelier when you are missing someone that you love. We have a daughter and we want her home.

We hope every day to hear something. But, in the meantime, we will continue to pray for her protection and health. Pray that she will be the perfect girl for our family and that we will be the perfect family for her. We will pray for our boys as they prepare to be big brothers. Let’s pray for those who are missing loved ones, especially during this blessed season. It is hard. It hurts. However, I am so thankful for the hope of a future together.