They call it RAD but it's not.

July 29, 2014 – a Tuesday. So, we have been busy working on our online Adoption Education these past few days. WOW! Tons and tons of scary stuff. The first topic that I was educated on was “Attachment”. This is a pretty big deal. Every parent wants to have a solid bond with their child. When you adopt a child, this is truly something that everyone in the family will have to work on. It is a bit frightening to think that this bond may not develop; however, that is why we are educating ourselves on this subject now – so that we can work on this and all bond as a family in the future.

The second topic that we learned about was entitled, “Health Concerns for Kids Adopted Abroad”. This will not be frightening at all, I thought. Again, WOW. Learning about issues from AIDS to malnutrition and the effects of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome…. I needed a break. There are SO SO many kiddos in our world who need love. There are millions of little ones who not only long for a family but also need surgery or access to first-world medicine. This was enlightening to say the least but also a bit overwhelming.

The third topic that we are educating ourselves on is called “RAD”, or Reactive Attachment Disorder. We are still busy with this subject; however, we need to take our time. This occurs when children do not bond with their adoptive families and multiple other issues take place because of this. This terrifying experience can be corrected (THANK YOU GOD) with therapy and such. However, I know that this is something that no one wants to go through. People who adopt little ones want these babies to feel receive their love.

This most recent topic has frightened me the most. As always, I take all of my fears and banish them with prayer. Many people talk to us of the “risks” of adopting, listing many of these types of things that can occur. We know, we know. However, we do not live in a spirit of fear. We know of a Savior who tells us not to live in such a way. Plus, our oldest son has Cystic Fibrosis - a chronic illness, so seriously, no need to talk to this Mama about fear and risks! Been there, done that, found a Savior.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn as much as possible during this waiting period. The more knowledge that we can acquire, the better our chances of a successful attachment will be. We will be on guard of what to watch for in order to protect our little girl. We will be looking to identify her “triggers” in an attempt to help her feel safe.

In the meantime, we still have a lot more knowledge to acquire and, as always, more praying to be done. Please, join us in praying that our little girl will be the perfect for our family and that we will be the perfect family for her. We pray that she will feel safe and loved with us all. As always, thank you for your support!

Balance & Books

July 25, 2014 – a Friday. So much going on but then not much at all. Behind the scenes, a report is being written up containing favorable information about our family. This is the Home Study. News from Texas has finally come available (we are clear!), so now our Home Study agency has 14-21 days to complete their study and submit it to us for review. I am not one to wish days away, but come on 14 days!!!

Also, I have almost completed the entire book entitled, The Connected Child. I have seriously ear-marked almost every page. They are all so important. It makes me fearful sometimes that we can take this on; however, we are pushing forward and are oh so ready to hold our little girl.

I have begun reading, The International Handbook of Adoption Medicine. I thought that it may be on the boring side; however, it has proven to be quite the opposite. There is SO MUCH to LEARN! I am soaking this stuff up, and then sharing it ALL with my husband, as fast as I can! This Mama is motivated!

Big O and I also plan to start our online adoption training this weekend. This is required both by our adoption agency and by all accredited Hague international adoption institutions. It is truly insightful. It is so necessary to learn about a child’s grieving process, how to look for their triggers in order to help them and how to show them love without any more fear of abandonment. It is a bit frightening at times, but we want to be the most educated parents on the planet. It is very similar to reading the What to Expect When You Are Expecting book while pregnant. It is extremely educational and offers insightful training to help put our minds a bit more at ease.

Currently, I am learning the lesson of “balance” while trying to get adoption stuff completed and investing enough time with our boys. They seem to be just as excited about the growth of our family as we are; however, I want to try to ensure that they do not feel neglected in the “studying and paperwork” of it all. BALANCE.

While I do enjoy reading and pouring all of this knowledge into my brain, I am motivated to get it accomplished now so that we may be placed with our little girl. We must have this training completed in order to be eligible to “meet” her. Oh, how I crave a picture of her precious face. So, needless to say, I LOVE sharing our journey on this blog, but this Mama is off to study, read, take tests and keep up with these sweet boys of ours!

Approaching the end of the "first trimester"

July 16, 2014 – a Wednesday. Something is happening! I received an email this morning from the state of Texas regarding the form that I had to submit for a child abuse and neglect check. I was cleared and so was my husband. Yay! We were never worried about this not going through – we do not harm children. It just took so long to get this back. Now, our Home Study agency can finish up their paperwork and we can get this all to our adoption agency. This is vital to submitting our dossier to the nation of Uganda.

So, the timeline now is to wait on our Home Agency to finish up on their end, they will submit their official study to us (for review) and to our adoption agency. Our Home Study people must be in the state of Texas since this is where we reside. They will submit their findings to our adoption agency in Iowa. Next, my family will submit a few more items to complete our official dossier for the Ugandan government. Finally, we will submit a sizeable check to the Ugandan government and our adoption agency will send this all to Uganda. In “adoption terms”, our “first trimester” will be complete!

Then comes waiting and more waiting. However, this is a big step forward in getting our little girl!

In the meantime, we are focusing on how grateful we are for this opportunity to add a person to our family. We are praying to God to supply the financing for this endeavor. We will owe our Home Study agency and our adoption agency fees once this process is complete. We will make our first (of 3) installments to the Ugandan government when we submit our dossier to them. Honestly, I am not worried at all. I am looking forward to see how God will provide for these costs. He is faithful. He will not call anyone to do anything and ask them to go into debt for it. This is exciting!

In the meantime, if anyone would like to pray for us, please do! This is the single best thing that anyone can do for us. Thank you! Also, we have two friends who have graciously offered to donate proceeds from their profits this month to aid us in adoption-related expenses.

Brooke Wright creates amazing necklaces and key chains. She and her husband offered to give us a portion of their sales for the month of July when people order their adoption-related pieces! Please, consider taking a look at their Etsy shop. 

  https://www.etsy.com/shop/thehymndropshoppe?ref=si_shop

Taneika Stewart has put together a Younique party benefitting our family with adoption expenses as well! Do you know anyone interested in these products? Please, take a look and consider making a purchase if you can.    www.fabulashesbytaneika.com

We will put together a “donation station” using Reece’s Rainbow once our Home Study is officially complete. This a place where people may donate – only if they feel led to – and the money will sit in a “bank” if you will & our adoption agency will be able to take the funds from that account when needed. Therefore the money will never be touched by us – only our agency. Exciting!

I have a lot of work to do now as our Home Study wraps up! We are currently learning a lot in our online courses and our taking exams to show what we have learned. I am doing LOTS of reading on this topic! And, I am working on setting up the account with Reece’s Rainbow and applying for any and all Adoption Grants that we qualify for. Wish us luck. And, if you pray, please keep our family in our prayers!

Thank you so much for your interest and for cheering us on!

Adoption is Sexy!

July 15, 2013 – a Tuesday. We have had the pleasure of having our best friends here staying with us for a few days! It has been so refreshing! Our days and evenings have been filled with love and laughter :) My heart is full.

My girlfriend, Kim and I just got back from taking her kiddos (and mine) to meet her parents at a half-way point between their home and where I live. The point of this trip – besides having a blast! – was to leave her kiddos with her parents for a few days. So, we drove back to my home with just my boys. Needless to say, we had TONS of amazing talk time! It was heaven.

One of the topics that we discussed was when I shared how my husbands’ and my relationship was becoming even stronger through this adoption process. I told her that this was an unexpected high point for us both. Olaf and I have a strong marriage, this is something that we treasure and work on daily. However, agreeing with one another to provide endless love for and raise another child together is extremely, dare I say, sexy.

I mean, we are already loving and raising our two boys, who are a mixture of us both, who came out of my body. We thought that this was pretty good glue for us. But, amazingly, this little girl, whom we have yet to see her face, has brought us together in a beautiful and unexpected way. Our pursuit of her, our dreams and hopes for her, have joined us together in a brand new way.

Please, understand that this little girl is no more important to us than our boys that we already have. We will love them all equally. They have all come to us through lots of prayer. This little one may take longer to get here; however, she is ours just the same. And, in the meantime as I spend my days raising boys and filling out paperwork asking for grant money to help fund our adoption, I will take advantage of this new, far-reaching bond growing between my husband and me. Can’t wait for that man to get home!! 

Timing is everything

July 8, 2014 – a Tuesday. I got some information today (!) which has left me feeling a bit melancholy. I mean, essentially, everything is good news as we are moving forward, making (slow) progress, doing this thing! But, I am a Mama and I can hardly wait to wrap my arms around our daughter. And, people, it is going to be a while.

So, news that I did not care for included the hard truth that after our petition gets approved by the USCIS, then we can then submit our dossier to Uganda and then it will probably (and this is a really a  l o o s e  term) be about a year until we bring her home.  In a former life, I also used to submit documents to the USCIS (for things other than adoption). This is a government agency. While the government has some good qualities, excessive speed in granting petitions is not typically one of them. However, I am preparing for a smooth process.

I cannot submit our form until our Home Study is completed and filed. We are still waiting on the state of Texas to get back with our agency confirming that my husband and I do not harm children. We have found ourselves living in the largest state in the nation and we submitted this stuff almost a month ago, but moving on. …..

Now, I am just whiney. I hate whiney. No whine is allowed in our house, unless it is the kind without the “h” in it. We knew that this was a process. I am trying to look at this like the pregnancy of an elephant (almost two years, right?!) than that of a human. I have a new respect for elephants.

Ok, the good news was that the lady in charge of our daughter’s children’s home is doing some intensive training with her staff regarding the writing of their social reports. This is something that we will probably receive (along with a picture!) that discusses our child, her interests and tells her story. While English is spoken in Uganda, so are many dialects and community languages. So, all of us will have a few language barriers to cross at some point. The fact that training is being done is a step forward for us and other parents-to-be of Ugandan children.

In my distress, I told the boys about how we will not have sister here for Christmas. I said that she may not be here until the end of next summer. Olaf said, “that’s ok, Mom.” And, Jonah told me, “Mama we will have her for every Christmas after that. We can love her every day” What a blessing. They are right. They still pray that she will get her quickly – love these precious people!

More good news – the two books that I ordered to learn EVERYTHING about adoption arrived today! Woo Hoo! Now, when I am not mothering, being a wife, taking care of the home, going to doctors appointments with Little O (our oldest child has Cystic Fibrosis, did ya know?), or running the car pool, I will immerse myself in reading and learning all that I can to make our daughter’s (and our) transition smooth. See, a silver lining at the end of the day. Tools to move forward or at least keep me sane while waiting, I mean learning, I mean putting in my time with my elephant baby.

One thing that I know to be true is that God’s timing is perfect. He does not usually work in my time zone, within my wants and perceived needs. Although, I trust that He is in charge. He is pushing things along as they should go along. He will make sure that the perfect little girl for our family will find her way to us. So, since patience is something that I excel at (HA!), I will attempt to put my mental brakes on and let this process happen. I am in charge of nothing – how my children behave, what others think, if my air conditioner will come on or not. The only things that I can truly control are my actions and words.

So, I am giving this back to you, God. You put this vision in our hearts and I know that you will see this through to perfect completion. I will use this time wisely; investing in the children that we already have in our home, reading and learning more about how to properly care for and love on our soon-to-be daughter, and worshiping you. This process will most likely take longer than I want, but I will hang on to your words and trust in your timing. You have never let me down.

God’s way is perfect. Psalm 18:30

Fearless

July 4, 2014 – a Friday. Happy Day! Big O, the boys and I headed downtown to watch our community’s annual 4^th of July parade yesterday. They both seemed to have a nice time watching the different floats and groups of people pass by. It did not hurt that some of the participants threw candy to the kids, as well. At one point during the procession, I noticed a large group of people marching by holding a multitude of flags from many countries around the world. I told my husband, “I do not even know what the Ugandan flag looks like.” He did not know either. Then I stood there thinking, “Will she understand the 4^th of July?  Can I dress her in red, white and blue? I guess we can learn about her country and celebrate those kinds of things too. Will she feel comfortable here? Will she be able to relate to us since we are so different on the outside?”

These kinds of questions attempted a slow take-over in my mind. I attempted to beat them down with a large, mental stick. Upon getting home, I announced to our boys that we need to find out what sister’s country’s flag looks like. We quickly found a picture of the beautiful flag of Uganda on the internet. It has an intriguing picture of a crane in the middle of it and has three colors, red, black and yellow. It is quite lovely.

Questions such as the ones above have occurred to me before. This is one reason that Olaf and I are taking online adoption courses, as well as reading several books and asking lots of questions to those who have been down this road before and to our adoption agent. We know that successful adoptions – the ones where both the child and the family have successfully bonded with one another – occur when the parents have prepared and trained themselves for what is to come via trainings, reading material, etc. We cannot predict how smoothly everything will go or how soon our little girl will feel safe in our arms, but we are doing our best at this moment to help her, our boys, and ourselves grow into a healthy, loving family.

If I could say anything to other family’s considering adoption it would be this – Do Not Fear. I would hate to live my life in fear of the what-if’s. For this reason, whenever Olaf and I get a feeling, or an inclination that God wants us to do something, we pray about it. (If you do not have a relationship with God, this may not help you out.) We are clearly called to care for one another, specifically the orphans and widows (James 1:27). While it is a lovely sentiment, this comes with a lot of preparation. It is a humbling experience and by all means takes a lot of work. As any good parent knows, there is no “part time” when it comes to parenting. However, because we believe that He has called us to adopt one of His children, it makes us want her even more. This was His plan; we are just following the map. And, He knows how we love an adventure!

So, we are attacking those scary questions that may creep up at night with faith and solid preparation! We love her already – hard to believe, but Oh So True! We talk about “sister” every day and I pray for her at least twice a day, if not more. However, I challenge everyone to seriously consider taking on that next challenge in your life, whatever it may be. If it is part of your story, it will surely come to pass. However, use this time to strengthen your faith and prepare yourself for that next journey. Have no fear. We serve a big God. 

Oh, the people you will meet...

July 3, 2014 – a Thursday. So, you may have noticed that my family and I are being “sponsored” by some friends of ours who sell beautiful and unique hand-made necklaces and key-rings. This is amazing to me on many levels. Allow me to explain.

Brooke and Albert – the creative couple who creates those amazing necklaces, feel led to bless others as their business grows. Brooke stays at home and makes the necklaces, unless she is traveling with her husband, Albert, who is a teacher-trainer. Whatever they do, they do it together. He fully supports her in her necklace-making venture. Being a small business owner myself, their level of generosity is astounding. The amount of capital needed to start a business (which varies, of course), the money needed from sales to put back into your business, marketing,  booth rental for shows, traveling costs, etc.  AND they pick a group or family whom they feel led to bless and then give that group a percentage of their sales for a particular month. WOW! This couple is an example of people actually living out their faith! Despite the obstacles that small business owners have to contend with, they have decided to move forward anyway and bless our family.

Another amazing fact about this couple is that we have only met each other once. That’s right. We met at an event in Abilene a few months ago. We all sold some items but it was in no way our best show ever. However, I am learning that God will send me places not to sell things but instead to meet people. And, I cannot underestimate the value of these trips. As much as I want to sell my creations, I absolutely believe that He sends me places to meet more of His people. I remember talking to my husband while at this event and saying, “This is not our best event but I have met the sweetest couple!” I would have never guessed that these precious people would later choose to sponsor my family one day. We have since then kept in touch via FaceBook. It was been fun.

While visiting my family in the South East with my boys, I got an out-of-the-blue FaceBook message from Brooke. She said hello, asked how we were doing and then said that she had been praying for us. She was praying for my family because she felt led to, even though she had not heard from us (or knew of our adoption plans) in a while. I responded and told her that I was visiting family with my boys, that we were having fun and, oh yeah, we are adopting. A few days after getting back home from our vacation, she and Albert sent a message asking if they could sponsor our family for the month of July. Wow! I just stood there amazed. These people whom I have met only 1 time wanted to sponsor my family and me in our adoption journey. I do not think anyone saw this coming except for God who planned it all. The provisions that He provides for those who love Him (just as He promises in the Bible) are always goose bump-inducing!

https://www.etsy.com/shop/thehymndropshoppe?ref=si_shop

So, in other words, check out this couple and their cute shop! Please, consider purchasing something from them – it is all wonderfulJ I have two necklaces already if any local friends would like to check them out. Thank you for reading our blog and traveling on this journey with us all.