Fixing our eyes...

September 17, 2014 – a Wednesday. Our case worker had warned me that the adoption process would be an emotional roller coaster and she has been right on target thus far. Our family has been praying for this little girl, our “sister” for-ev-er. It seems like we have been in this process for so long now, but at the same time we still have such a long way to go. This is definitely longer than pregnancy. However, the emotions are strikingly similar, although the things I worry about are a bit different.

We now have a picture of this beautiful little girl. I look at it more than once-a-day. I realized today that I am grieving for this child. I have become a mother longing for her child. The miraculous conversion of “that child” becoming “my child” has taken place. Now, I know – this little girl may not yet be ours. There are many things that we must wait on before we can definitely call her our own. However, while we REALLY hope that she belongs to our family, she represents the child that we will one day bring home. We pray for her and all orphans. However, it has become real now. We are more than spiritually, mentally and financially invested in this – this is emotional.

I miss my baby. Yes, the one that I have not yet met. But I miss her the same. I have been so focused on praying for her with our boys that I had not noticed their longing for her as well. On the way to school yesterday, Olaf asked me when sister was going to come home. It hit me; they are emotionally invested in this precious person, as well. We have yet to show them the picture, as we are still waiting to hear if she is “our girl”. However, they love her already. We have a room for her that they play in daily. There is two pair of girl shoes, a few girl clothes and girly toys. We are all aware of her presence, though she is not here yet. We are all missing sister. 

Last night I told the Big O how tired I was, and then said that I bet I will be even more exhausted once we have all three kiddos at home. While I enjoy my alone time while the boys are in school, I am so lonely without our daughter. I long to know what she is doing, what her favorite food is, who her friends are, how she likes to sleep….. This is hard. 

We continue to hold our heads up and wait for the phone call that will give us more information. We wait for our USCIS application to come through and look forward to the day when we can send another one back with her name and information on it. We pray, we prepare, we read, we talk, we hope, we wonder, we are ready. In the meantime, please pray for our girl and please pray for our boys who miss their sister. They cannot wait to share their world with her. 

Please, pray for us to keep on going. We are reading, applying for grants, just doing life. But, we want to do it with sister. During these more difficult times, our family has developed our “adoption mantra”. This comes from a Christian song that we all love. The boys and I frequently jam out to this while driving. If you have never heard Christian music then you are in for a treat! This song, “Fix My Eyes” by the band, For King and Country, reminds us to keep our eyes on God, the one who put this whole plan into motion in the first place. This helps us to stay positive and keep moving forward while we wait.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yd2we03Sy4I

Best Birthday Gift Ever ! (this is a good one!)

September 9, 2014 – a Tuesday. Wow! A lot of time has passed, please forgive me! Updates: a small one is that the Big O and I have to get our fingerprinting done for the USCIS (that big application that we sent to Dallas) on Friday. While I feel certain that our fingerprints have not changed since giving them for state and federal checks, this is “part of the process” and so we must oblige. Sigh.

However, on Friday, we received BIG NEWS! We have an unofficial super-soft match! What in the world does this mean, you ask? Well, our agency considers a “soft match” when a photo and a file on child’s social background is presented to the adoptive couple & the couple accepts. Thus saying, “yes, please move forward”. A social background includes how the child made it to the orphanage (relinquished, abandoned, etc.) and may include some details regarding their health. With a “soft match”, this guarantees that the adoptive family will receive that specific child, if they choose, after a confirmation of their health comes through. After that, they wait for the government to do their part.

With our “super soft match” this means that all that our case worker has is this little girl’s name, age, and photo – not even a birth date. So, we know nothing about her social or medical history. Well, of course, we just had to see her picture and, of course, fell head over heels with her immediately! As our case worker warned us, we have to try to guard our hearts. However, I love the way that my husband put it, he said, “We will pray for her, as someone will adopt her.” I find comfort in this. While I am even more fervently praying for her, I pray for her future family, as well. Yes, yes, I hope that we are that family, but if not, we have got them covered in prayer.

Can I tell you the best part about this news?!!! Our case worker received that picture on my husbands’ birthday!!! Yes, OUR GOD IS SO GOOD – he delivered the best present possible! We did not get the news until the next day since our case worker and I were playing phone tag all day the previous day. How AMAZING is that?! Seriously, when she told me that she just had a picture and an age, I smiled, I laughed, I cried.  The ability to put a precious face to all of this work was just overwhelming. I can compare it to the first time a mother can hear her baby’s heart beat and see a picture of a small little being on the sonogram screen. It was just like that! How awesome to deliver that to us as we were celebrating my husbands’ birthday? It was the best gift ever.

So, as of now we are looking forward to getting more fingerprinting done on Friday and really looking forward to hearing more information about that precious little girl as soon as it comes in. Our case worker has good contact with her baby home. But, as she put it, we are now on “Africa Time” – meaning, it will come in when it comes in. We hope that we will know more by the end of the week; however, it could be six weeks. Ugh, bittersweet patience.

Also, two precious people have given us donations towards our adoption costs. You know who you are. Thank you all so very much. Everything helps and we truly appreciate it. While we are confident that all will be taken care of, the cost of it all can seem daunting. Therefore, we just look at it in “clumps”. We just look at the clump in front of us and plan to tackle the other clumps as they arrive.

Speaking of money, I really need to get cracking on our adoption grant applications. These are really in-depth and quite a big deal. I just need to force myself to buckle down.  We also still keep busy reading our adoption books. We have almost completed, “The Handbook of International Adoption Medicine” and I have already jumped into, “A Hope Deferred”, as recommended by a dear friend. Next on the list is “The Weavers Craft” – a book on adopting toddlers.

So, this is us and what has been going on in our world. We have not shared this photo and information with our boys yet, as we worry that they might grow too attached. However, they both continue to pray for “sister” every night. This just warms my heart. This little lady is so loved already by so many people. Oh, how we look forward to her joining our family!