December 13, 2014 – a Saturday.
Warning: this is RAW stuff, really emotional. So, last week when walking down
the aisle in search of lightbulbs, I passed the toy aisle and nearly broke into
tears when carousing by all of the PINK girlie things! Almost in tears – in Walmart!
Ugh. Pull it together. Yesterday and today it has just been really difficult.
No new news on our little girl. Meanwhile lots going on here – getting ready
for Christmas! – but lots of background stuff as well (I will share when we
know what our plan is). Although, we have so so much to be thankful for here,
and we are, I am really missing a little girl whom I have never met, a person
who totally has my heart, a lovely, little lady whom I cannot wait to bring
home.
I just would never have believed
that it would be this hard. Sure, this process takes a LONG time. But yearning
for someone that you have never met but already love – this is PAINFUL. If you
have ever been pregnant, it’s like looking at that sonogram picture and dreaming
about your ideas and plans for that precious little one. You see, we have seen
several pictures of her, even two videos, we have even heard from two people
who have met her who have said the exact same thing about her sweet
personality! However, she is not home. We are incomplete. I love my family, our
boys are precious to us, but we have a daughter now, and we want her home.
I do not think that she is aware
of us quite yet. At least I hope not. I would not want a baby girl to miss her
Mama and Papa for so long. She is safe now. Happy, loved on and fed. She is
surrounded by her friends, peers and people who provide for her needs. I do not
wish this pain for her.
We are sending a package to
Uganda this week with treats for all of the kiddos there and a stuffed My
Little Pony horse for our girl. All of us have taken turns sleeping with this
pony. We want our scent – the smell of her family, her home – to be on this
pony. One of the sweetest things that I have ever seen happened last night. I
came home late from a night out with a dear girlfriend and went into my bedroom
to find my amazing husband sleeping with his arm around this pony! Usually, I
am the one snuggled up with this animal; however, our little loves’ Daddy wanted
to make sure that she could smell him, as well. It nearly took my breathe away.
This is love.
So, I am sad, maybe a bit
depressed. I know that this will pass. God knows I have enough other things in
my life to keep me busy. For now, I will just keep my “game face” on. We are
blessed, happy, healthy, looking forward to an amazing future; however, the Big
O and I are missing our little girl. I am learning that it is true what people
say – holidays can indeed be lonelier when you are missing someone that you
love. We have a daughter and we want her home.
We hope every day to hear
something. But, in the meantime, we will continue to pray for her protection
and health. Pray that she will be the perfect girl for our family and that we
will be the perfect family for her. We will pray for our boys as they prepare to
be big brothers. Let’s pray for those who are missing loved ones, especially
during this blessed season. It is hard. It hurts. However, I am so thankful for
the hope of a future together.
