Redemption and Fear

January 30, 2015 – early Friday morning. It’s late, or early, like 12:30AM today but I am wide awake. I just realized that our little girl will receive her gifts from us today! I am SO EXCITED- this is like Christmas-level excitement for me! For the 1^st time ever, our daughter will get gifts from her family who has already been praying for her and loving her for so long! Words fail me, I am just elated! She will receive her already-slept-with-and-hopefully-still-smells-like-us My Little Pony doll and a pre-recorded book that the Big O and I read to her about how much she is loved! And, the precious family that so graciously brought this along with them (in route to go to court for their own children that they will bring home) also made a photo book of us to give to our girl! We had not done this since our little girl is not officially “ours” yet, her sweet Papa is trying to hold out as he does not want to confuse her just in case something comes up. He loves her so much already – so protective! However, the other Mama and I are just claiming that she is ours already so she took time out of her life and printed out pictures of us! The people who have come into our lives during this process are nothing short of amazing!  

So, what’s been going on? TONS! Like an overwhelming amount of stuff which I have allowed to keep me from writing. I will get better. I will. I will. Ok, we are officially moving. Remember the house that I mentioned a few weeks ago? Ok, well we are set to officially purchase it next week. Next week, hmm, sounds so weird. We will then uproot the boys (and us) from our as-we-know-it lives and move to the metroplex area in pursuit of our soon-to-be-a-new-normal lives. I have kept busy doing lots of the background work – new doctors, schools, utilities, etc. Fun, stressful, exhausting and quite emotional.  Plus, Little O fell at school two weeks ago, so we have also kept busy with a few new doctor visits and getting his front teeth repaired. My Mom has always told me that my family may be a lot of things, but that we are not boring. Boy, was she right!

Tomorrow, I mean, later today, I will get to do more of that type of “organizing”. We are also trying to get in all of the necessary or pre-scheduled doctor’s visits that we can before we make the move. We are planning on returning to Lubbock quite a bit this year, however, I must embrace this change. I love the pediatric pulmonologist and nurse that our Little Olaf has had and I am just having a difficult time letting go. We have been blessed to receive such excellent care here. I am sure that he will receive the same great care somewhere in DFW, but I have a relationship with the pulmonologist here. Anyone else have this? I love his doctor. I feel pretty sure that she loves him. I mean, I know his doctor’s mother and tell her every time I see her what a great job she did raising her daughter. Oh, this is tough – and this is just one of Little O’s doctors. I broke down at my hair dresser’s appointment on Wednesday, true story.  We just cried and hugged. Sometimes, it feels like too much. However, both the Big O and I know that this is God’s plan for us. We do not want to miss out on His plan – it is always more than we could have dreamed of, asked for or imagined.

News on Sister – yes, kind of! Our lawyer received our dossier and remarked to our adoption agent jokingly that “all of us white people look alike!” I laughed out loud! We like this guy already! Humor really can make the world go ‘round! This week, our lawyer will commission a third-party private investigator to look into Sister’s background, in order to confirm that she is “adoptable.” He will also commission the social worker at her Baby Home to begin the same exhaustive process. This is a tough one for us. We want what is best for this child. Sure, we want to bring her here, but in order for her to be “adoptable”, they must prove that she has no living family that they can find and/or know of. I cannot wish that for anyone. So, we pray through this part. This is most-likely the case for most of the children at the home; however, it is not something that you would want for anyone. I do love how ethical our adoption agency is, and how thorough Uganda and the USA are regarding this sensitive issue. The time it takes to do this is numbing; however, our friends are there right now, and we will get our turn too. During this process, we will also receive her official birth certificate – exciting, I know! 

And, we got a new picture a few days ago!!!! If you are already a parent, this feels exactly like when you see a sonogram picture! She looked a bit taller in this one – our girl is growing! – and, she wore a pink dress! Oh, ruffles, tutus, tiaras, we are coming!!!! Anyway, it is so thrilling to see that face and a bit sad that she is getting older without us. However, we continue to focus on the future hope of being together. Yes, the big picture is our family of 5. Staring at that photo is wonderful, as the hopes and dreams that you have for your child begin to form, but also a bit frightening as you wonder if they will attach to you well, will they adapt, will she be happy here, etc. Again, focusing on her precious face and our dreams for her…. Ugh, as you can tell, this grafting-into-the-family process is just as emotional, if not more so, then bringing biological children into the world. I am experiencing those same New Mama fears, but my baby can walk and talk!

There are so many things that I have not yet put to paper and need to share, but the biggest thing on my heart is to not allow your fear get in the way of God’s plans for you. When we started this process we had lots of questions, and even more fear. We STILL have lots of questions; however, our agent fills us in as we go, which is best (and keeps it from becoming overwhelming). Let me tell you, it really feels like we have been waiting on Sister FOREVER, but in actuality, it has been less than a year. This is not a long time when put into perspective. It has been incredibly emotional, and will continue to be. However, what parent would not get emotional about their child? Not once has anyone in this family said that it is not worth it. 

Fear is not worth missing out on incredible things in your life. Sure, the unknown is just that, unknown, but why would anyone chose to let that take the wheel? Perhaps, it’s a faith issue, I am not sure. What I can tell you with certainty is that we were Believers in Christ before this process, we believe that God told us to adopt – so we are being obedient to His calling and plan for us, but throughout this still-to-be-completed process He has not left us stranded or abandoned. Not once. How are we going to pay for this? Boom – money arrived. What, we need a new transmission? New friends took care of the bill. Washing machine bit the dust! A dear friend had just received a new one as a gift and was unable to sell her washer on a website. Wonder why – God was holding it for us! They sold us theirs for an incredible bargain. Little O’s school called saying that they had to call an ambulance for him – God was there, He knew this would happen. We were blessed with an ambulance to take him to the hospital, immediate action to assure that he was ok and a dentist to repair his teeth, all in the same day! That dentist was not supposed to be in her office that morning; however, she said it herself, “I guess God knew that I needed to be here.” Just incredible. I have A LOT more of these little stories that make up “our story” that I could share. However, the point that I am trying to make is that if you put your faith in God and then trust Him in the plans that He has for you, He will never leave you stranded. The details of our story will be different than the ones in yours; however, I assure you that He is interested in all of it. Every time we hit a “snag”, we just have to stop and pray for guidance and He shows up just as sure as if you would have called AAA. 

I found a beautiful quote on Pinterest that stated that “Adoption is the story of the Gospel in flesh and blood.” In my mind, this is true. We are not Jesus; however, adoption has redemption written all over it. What would you do to bring your child home? How much would you pay? How far would you travel? How much is enough? It is our job, with all of our children, to let it soak into their marrow that God, their Creator and we, their parents, love them. There is no too far, too much, too emotional, stopping point. It does not exist. We pray that our daughter will know, as we pray that our sons know that love has no boundaries. They are loved. 

I sat in my car and wept Wednesday morning, as I prayed for our sweet friends who are in in Uganda right now. I was so nervous for them. I mean, everything has to go as planned or you have to formulate an immediate (and unplannable) plan B. For me, watching them go before us is kind of like a “dry run”. The only kind of preview that we will get to see before it’s our turn. However, everything did go as planned! They arrived safely with all of their luggage and made it to the hotel. Today, like right now (!!!), they are in route to the Baby Home with lots of donated items to give to the Home and to other kiddos who have families waiting for them here.  After this 5 hour trip, they will get to spend time with their children and prepare for their court date. Oh, exciting! Terrifying! Amazing! All in the name of love. Overwhelming!

So, now, I guess I will try to go back to sleep while thinking about our beautiful girl opening up her gifts. I wonder what she will think when she hears our voices. I hope that she will love her pony. I pray that God will protect her, keep her healthy and that she will come to know Him as she matures. Oh, we cannot wait to bring this child home, our daughter. But today, she will learn we exist and are waiting, praying, hoping, for her. Redemption is beautiful.

BIG GOD - Behind the Scenes!

January 5, 2015 – a Monday. It’s been way too long and so much has been going on behind-the-scenes! Now, we are at a point where we can share our family news! Ok, the Big O has gotten the call to work permanently in the Dallas area. So, last week, he worked there while the boys and I looked at houses – just for fun. I mean I was just trying to get a feel for the area, how far he would have to drive to work every day, all of that crazy traffic  (small town living has ruined me driving-wise), you know, see stuff.  Well, low and behold our God had bigger (faster!) plans for us. We were in Dallas Sunday – Saturday. Yesterday was Monday and we have unofficially purchased a new home in the Dallas area and have a family wanting in this one! Really! They came and walked though it last night! Oh My God – You are so faithful and so overwhelmingly amazing! There are literally no words. 

What does this have to do with Sister, you may ask? Well, for one, all of this hustling and bustling has certainly helped with the fact that she is not home yet. We talk about her, pray for her and think of her daily. Being physically busy is helpful, though. Secondly, we believe that living in the Dallas area will be helpful to Sister. She will see a large variety of people and hear multiple languages on a daily basis. We are praying that this will be good for her. Also, we know that the process of moving to the USA, living with new people, eating new foods, learning a new language and getting on a different time zone will be quite stressful for our little lady. We feel that God has moved us now so that we can get adjusted and learn to call that new house “home” so that when she comes to join us it will be one less stressor for us all. We will already be home and we can focus on helping her adjust. Call us crazy, I mean really, this is wild, but we believe that God has had this all planned out from the very beginning! We are starting to see more pieces come together now – I am still overwhelmed and cannot begin to explain how good, yet humbling this feels. 

Prayer Requests: Please, join us in a massive prayer of thanks to God for providing this new home for our family before Sisters’ arrival. It is really bittersweet to leave Lubbock; however, we want God’s best for our family. 

Please, pray that we will be able to sell our current home quickly. While things look promising, we always ask for God’s blessing in every facet of our lives. We pray that this home will be just as amazing for the next family who lives here, as it has been for us. 

Please, pray for our family as we transition to “everything new” – new workplace, new school, new doctors, new everything. Please, pray that it goes smoothly and that we will find a great church quickly and some new friends, as well. 

Last but definitely not least, please pray that things with Sister will start to pick up now. We are waiting to hear that she is “officially ours” – then we can share her photo! And, we need a court date, as well. We can hardly wait to bring her home! This wait is worth it, but it is oh so hard.

Raw, painful wait.

December 13, 2014 – a Saturday. Warning: this is RAW stuff, really emotional. So, last week when walking down the aisle in search of lightbulbs, I passed the toy aisle and nearly broke into tears when carousing by all of the PINK girlie things! Almost in tears – in Walmart! Ugh. Pull it together. Yesterday and today it has just been really difficult. No new news on our little girl. Meanwhile lots going on here – getting ready for Christmas! – but lots of background stuff as well (I will share when we know what our plan is). Although, we have so so much to be thankful for here, and we are, I am really missing a little girl whom I have never met, a person who totally has my heart, a lovely, little lady whom I cannot wait to bring home.

I just would never have believed that it would be this hard. Sure, this process takes a LONG time. But yearning for someone that you have never met but already love – this is PAINFUL. If you have ever been pregnant, it’s like looking at that sonogram picture and dreaming about your ideas and plans for that precious little one. You see, we have seen several pictures of her, even two videos, we have even heard from two people who have met her who have said the exact same thing about her sweet personality! However, she is not home. We are incomplete. I love my family, our boys are precious to us, but we have a daughter now, and we want her home. 

I do not think that she is aware of us quite yet. At least I hope not. I would not want a baby girl to miss her Mama and Papa for so long. She is safe now. Happy, loved on and fed. She is surrounded by her friends, peers and people who provide for her needs. I do not wish this pain for her.

We are sending a package to Uganda this week with treats for all of the kiddos there and a stuffed My Little Pony horse for our girl. All of us have taken turns sleeping with this pony. We want our scent – the smell of her family, her home – to be on this pony. One of the sweetest things that I have ever seen happened last night. I came home late from a night out with a dear girlfriend and went into my bedroom to find my amazing husband sleeping with his arm around this pony! Usually, I am the one snuggled up with this animal; however, our little loves’ Daddy wanted to make sure that she could smell him, as well. It nearly took my breathe away. This is love. 

So, I am sad, maybe a bit depressed. I know that this will pass. God knows I have enough other things in my life to keep me busy. For now, I will just keep my “game face” on. We are blessed, happy, healthy, looking forward to an amazing future; however, the Big O and I are missing our little girl. I am learning that it is true what people say – holidays can indeed be lonelier when you are missing someone that you love. We have a daughter and we want her home.

We hope every day to hear something. But, in the meantime, we will continue to pray for her protection and health. Pray that she will be the perfect girl for our family and that we will be the perfect family for her. We will pray for our boys as they prepare to be big brothers. Let’s pray for those who are missing loved ones, especially during this blessed season. It is hard. It hurts. However, I am so thankful for the hope of a future together.

Knock your socks off AMAZING!

November 23, 2014 – a Sunday. WOW! I was just telling one of my best girlfriends that I have a personal “36-hour adjustment period” every time something really amazing or extremely stressful happens to me. Really, I do. I just need to take time and “deal” with the situation. Remind myself who is in charge of the situation (God), who already knew this would happen (God), and what I can do about it (pray/praise/pray). I know all of these things, but I always make good use of my personal adjustment period in order to take in all that God wants me to see. 

Well, here is a story that my shake your socks right off of your feet!  Latest drama: We were told that we needed a new transmission for one of our small SUV’s.  We have 2 small SUV’s and would eventually like to trade one of them in for a longer car (with 2 back seats) once Sister arrives.  While God has already provided money for this adoption (oh, I need to write about that, too!), we have been praying and asking that He would provide money for a new transmission. Even if we do plan to trade this car in for something larger in the future, we need it to be in excellent working order to do so and we really need it now anyway. My husband usually drives the (needs-a-new-transmission-car) to work and I drive the other one.  Ok, on Thursday morning I prayed earnestly again, along with a group of amazing ladies, for this issue and we lifted up their needs, as well. Got home, had a great day, Big O came home and shared that the auto shop that he had taken our car to had come back with a really high price tag. Sigh. I smiled, said that I needed a minute and just, without knowing what in the world else to do, I kneeled down on my floor and prayed. I thanked God for hearing me, reminded Him (& myself) that He would come through for us and then just asked Him again to let us know what he wanted us to do. Then, I got up and went to care for the family. 

Less than 5 minutes later one of my girlfriends called me to check in and see if we still wanted her friend to repair the vehicle for us. Her friend is a really-good friend of theirs and is skilled in all things auto; however, his shop is over an hour away from where we live. So, we worked on a way to get our car out of one repair shop and transferred to another one over an hour away. This is a plan that she and I (two ladies, well, usually we act that way) set into action. So, in the middle of laughing and planning, I apparently hung up on my friend. I called back and left a message. A few minutes later she called me back and said that she and her husband were planning on telling us this news the next day; however, God had told them several times that he wanted them to pay for our transmission. Say, what?!! Gasp. Silence. Sweating and shaking.  Awkward silence. What? 

I tried it all, the “You do not know us that well, what are you doing? Why? And, are you sure?” However, during this amazing transmission of genuine love and obedience, I felt God reminding me of the times that we had given large amounts of love. It DOES feel so good to give. We are not used to receiving gifts like this, but here it was. And, my sweet friend ended our conversation with, “God loves you. He wants us to pay for your transmission and He really wants you to bring home that little girl!”

When the Big O came into the bed room, he found me on the bed crying uncontrollably. This is usually a cue for him to bolt – Oh, how I love him but he just gets so uncomfortable when I get that upset. But, this time, I tried to smile and motioned for him to come closer, I could hardly speak. I simply said, “Our transmission is paid for. God has paid for our transmission.” I told him the whole story. It is still hard to put this into words and comprehend. He did it. He came through. AGAIN. 

Friday, was a whirlwind of phone calls, texts and short conversations. But to convert a long day into a short read, everyone showed up for us again. I was able to pay for the work done to get the transmission out of car (for a reasonable price) with money that was in my business account. (We make wooden blocks in our garage).  The Big O had another friend come through for him and this guy borrowed a trailer from a neighbor and helped pull our car to our home. The next morning, friends & neighbors (well, really brothers and sisters) came over to help move the car back onto another trailer (I was in charge of steering – eek!) and then they pulled it to the other town – over an hour away. WOW! Really. Done. 

Today, we got to worship in church and then celebrate our oldest sons’ birthday. We loved, played and rested. Also, we decided to introduce pictures of Sister to our boys. They seemed enamored with her immediately. They love her name and her sweet face. And, seemingly as just one more gift, I received two more photos of Sister while taking pictures of our oldest at his party. My heart is full. Overwhelmed, actually. Our God is alive, faithful and He loves to give good gifts to His children. 

Prayer Requests: Please, pray for great health and safety for all of our kiddos, both here and in Uganda. 

Please, pray that God will use His supernatural power to push our dossier through and that He will grant us favor with a quick process and court date in Uganda. I pray that our lawyer will be granted favor in these proceedings, as well. 

Please, pray that all of these precious children in the Baby Home will find their forever families and know of God’s intense love for them. 

We will be collecting goodies for the children at the home through the end of the month. If you wish to donate anything or send the box yourself, just message me. Thank you for praying us through this growth of our family! He is working it out for the good of those who love Him!

  

So, this is how my husband and I have been feeling lately - overwhelmed. Just totally overwhelmed with God's love for us, for Sister, for His people. He yearns for a personal relationship with each of us. If you do not know this God, ask me about it, I would love to share more with you and give you a Bible that is easy to read and understand.  For now, enjoy this amazing video clip of their song "Overwhelmed", by Big Daddy Weave.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiGb14tTaH4