Redemption and Fear

January 30, 2015 – early Friday morning. It’s late, or early, like 12:30AM today but I am wide awake. I just realized that our little girl will receive her gifts from us today! I am SO EXCITED- this is like Christmas-level excitement for me! For the 1^st time ever, our daughter will get gifts from her family who has already been praying for her and loving her for so long! Words fail me, I am just elated! She will receive her already-slept-with-and-hopefully-still-smells-like-us My Little Pony doll and a pre-recorded book that the Big O and I read to her about how much she is loved! And, the precious family that so graciously brought this along with them (in route to go to court for their own children that they will bring home) also made a photo book of us to give to our girl! We had not done this since our little girl is not officially “ours” yet, her sweet Papa is trying to hold out as he does not want to confuse her just in case something comes up. He loves her so much already – so protective! However, the other Mama and I are just claiming that she is ours already so she took time out of her life and printed out pictures of us! The people who have come into our lives during this process are nothing short of amazing!  

So, what’s been going on? TONS! Like an overwhelming amount of stuff which I have allowed to keep me from writing. I will get better. I will. I will. Ok, we are officially moving. Remember the house that I mentioned a few weeks ago? Ok, well we are set to officially purchase it next week. Next week, hmm, sounds so weird. We will then uproot the boys (and us) from our as-we-know-it lives and move to the metroplex area in pursuit of our soon-to-be-a-new-normal lives. I have kept busy doing lots of the background work – new doctors, schools, utilities, etc. Fun, stressful, exhausting and quite emotional.  Plus, Little O fell at school two weeks ago, so we have also kept busy with a few new doctor visits and getting his front teeth repaired. My Mom has always told me that my family may be a lot of things, but that we are not boring. Boy, was she right!

Tomorrow, I mean, later today, I will get to do more of that type of “organizing”. We are also trying to get in all of the necessary or pre-scheduled doctor’s visits that we can before we make the move. We are planning on returning to Lubbock quite a bit this year, however, I must embrace this change. I love the pediatric pulmonologist and nurse that our Little Olaf has had and I am just having a difficult time letting go. We have been blessed to receive such excellent care here. I am sure that he will receive the same great care somewhere in DFW, but I have a relationship with the pulmonologist here. Anyone else have this? I love his doctor. I feel pretty sure that she loves him. I mean, I know his doctor’s mother and tell her every time I see her what a great job she did raising her daughter. Oh, this is tough – and this is just one of Little O’s doctors. I broke down at my hair dresser’s appointment on Wednesday, true story.  We just cried and hugged. Sometimes, it feels like too much. However, both the Big O and I know that this is God’s plan for us. We do not want to miss out on His plan – it is always more than we could have dreamed of, asked for or imagined.

News on Sister – yes, kind of! Our lawyer received our dossier and remarked to our adoption agent jokingly that “all of us white people look alike!” I laughed out loud! We like this guy already! Humor really can make the world go ‘round! This week, our lawyer will commission a third-party private investigator to look into Sister’s background, in order to confirm that she is “adoptable.” He will also commission the social worker at her Baby Home to begin the same exhaustive process. This is a tough one for us. We want what is best for this child. Sure, we want to bring her here, but in order for her to be “adoptable”, they must prove that she has no living family that they can find and/or know of. I cannot wish that for anyone. So, we pray through this part. This is most-likely the case for most of the children at the home; however, it is not something that you would want for anyone. I do love how ethical our adoption agency is, and how thorough Uganda and the USA are regarding this sensitive issue. The time it takes to do this is numbing; however, our friends are there right now, and we will get our turn too. During this process, we will also receive her official birth certificate – exciting, I know! 

And, we got a new picture a few days ago!!!! If you are already a parent, this feels exactly like when you see a sonogram picture! She looked a bit taller in this one – our girl is growing! – and, she wore a pink dress! Oh, ruffles, tutus, tiaras, we are coming!!!! Anyway, it is so thrilling to see that face and a bit sad that she is getting older without us. However, we continue to focus on the future hope of being together. Yes, the big picture is our family of 5. Staring at that photo is wonderful, as the hopes and dreams that you have for your child begin to form, but also a bit frightening as you wonder if they will attach to you well, will they adapt, will she be happy here, etc. Again, focusing on her precious face and our dreams for her…. Ugh, as you can tell, this grafting-into-the-family process is just as emotional, if not more so, then bringing biological children into the world. I am experiencing those same New Mama fears, but my baby can walk and talk!

There are so many things that I have not yet put to paper and need to share, but the biggest thing on my heart is to not allow your fear get in the way of God’s plans for you. When we started this process we had lots of questions, and even more fear. We STILL have lots of questions; however, our agent fills us in as we go, which is best (and keeps it from becoming overwhelming). Let me tell you, it really feels like we have been waiting on Sister FOREVER, but in actuality, it has been less than a year. This is not a long time when put into perspective. It has been incredibly emotional, and will continue to be. However, what parent would not get emotional about their child? Not once has anyone in this family said that it is not worth it. 

Fear is not worth missing out on incredible things in your life. Sure, the unknown is just that, unknown, but why would anyone chose to let that take the wheel? Perhaps, it’s a faith issue, I am not sure. What I can tell you with certainty is that we were Believers in Christ before this process, we believe that God told us to adopt – so we are being obedient to His calling and plan for us, but throughout this still-to-be-completed process He has not left us stranded or abandoned. Not once. How are we going to pay for this? Boom – money arrived. What, we need a new transmission? New friends took care of the bill. Washing machine bit the dust! A dear friend had just received a new one as a gift and was unable to sell her washer on a website. Wonder why – God was holding it for us! They sold us theirs for an incredible bargain. Little O’s school called saying that they had to call an ambulance for him – God was there, He knew this would happen. We were blessed with an ambulance to take him to the hospital, immediate action to assure that he was ok and a dentist to repair his teeth, all in the same day! That dentist was not supposed to be in her office that morning; however, she said it herself, “I guess God knew that I needed to be here.” Just incredible. I have A LOT more of these little stories that make up “our story” that I could share. However, the point that I am trying to make is that if you put your faith in God and then trust Him in the plans that He has for you, He will never leave you stranded. The details of our story will be different than the ones in yours; however, I assure you that He is interested in all of it. Every time we hit a “snag”, we just have to stop and pray for guidance and He shows up just as sure as if you would have called AAA. 

I found a beautiful quote on Pinterest that stated that “Adoption is the story of the Gospel in flesh and blood.” In my mind, this is true. We are not Jesus; however, adoption has redemption written all over it. What would you do to bring your child home? How much would you pay? How far would you travel? How much is enough? It is our job, with all of our children, to let it soak into their marrow that God, their Creator and we, their parents, love them. There is no too far, too much, too emotional, stopping point. It does not exist. We pray that our daughter will know, as we pray that our sons know that love has no boundaries. They are loved. 

I sat in my car and wept Wednesday morning, as I prayed for our sweet friends who are in in Uganda right now. I was so nervous for them. I mean, everything has to go as planned or you have to formulate an immediate (and unplannable) plan B. For me, watching them go before us is kind of like a “dry run”. The only kind of preview that we will get to see before it’s our turn. However, everything did go as planned! They arrived safely with all of their luggage and made it to the hotel. Today, like right now (!!!), they are in route to the Baby Home with lots of donated items to give to the Home and to other kiddos who have families waiting for them here.  After this 5 hour trip, they will get to spend time with their children and prepare for their court date. Oh, exciting! Terrifying! Amazing! All in the name of love. Overwhelming!

So, now, I guess I will try to go back to sleep while thinking about our beautiful girl opening up her gifts. I wonder what she will think when she hears our voices. I hope that she will love her pony. I pray that God will protect her, keep her healthy and that she will come to know Him as she matures. Oh, we cannot wait to bring this child home, our daughter. But today, she will learn we exist and are waiting, praying, hoping, for her. Redemption is beautiful.