Raw, painful wait.

December 13, 2014 – a Saturday. Warning: this is RAW stuff, really emotional. So, last week when walking down the aisle in search of lightbulbs, I passed the toy aisle and nearly broke into tears when carousing by all of the PINK girlie things! Almost in tears – in Walmart! Ugh. Pull it together. Yesterday and today it has just been really difficult. No new news on our little girl. Meanwhile lots going on here – getting ready for Christmas! – but lots of background stuff as well (I will share when we know what our plan is). Although, we have so so much to be thankful for here, and we are, I am really missing a little girl whom I have never met, a person who totally has my heart, a lovely, little lady whom I cannot wait to bring home.

I just would never have believed that it would be this hard. Sure, this process takes a LONG time. But yearning for someone that you have never met but already love – this is PAINFUL. If you have ever been pregnant, it’s like looking at that sonogram picture and dreaming about your ideas and plans for that precious little one. You see, we have seen several pictures of her, even two videos, we have even heard from two people who have met her who have said the exact same thing about her sweet personality! However, she is not home. We are incomplete. I love my family, our boys are precious to us, but we have a daughter now, and we want her home. 

I do not think that she is aware of us quite yet. At least I hope not. I would not want a baby girl to miss her Mama and Papa for so long. She is safe now. Happy, loved on and fed. She is surrounded by her friends, peers and people who provide for her needs. I do not wish this pain for her.

We are sending a package to Uganda this week with treats for all of the kiddos there and a stuffed My Little Pony horse for our girl. All of us have taken turns sleeping with this pony. We want our scent – the smell of her family, her home – to be on this pony. One of the sweetest things that I have ever seen happened last night. I came home late from a night out with a dear girlfriend and went into my bedroom to find my amazing husband sleeping with his arm around this pony! Usually, I am the one snuggled up with this animal; however, our little loves’ Daddy wanted to make sure that she could smell him, as well. It nearly took my breathe away. This is love. 

So, I am sad, maybe a bit depressed. I know that this will pass. God knows I have enough other things in my life to keep me busy. For now, I will just keep my “game face” on. We are blessed, happy, healthy, looking forward to an amazing future; however, the Big O and I are missing our little girl. I am learning that it is true what people say – holidays can indeed be lonelier when you are missing someone that you love. We have a daughter and we want her home.

We hope every day to hear something. But, in the meantime, we will continue to pray for her protection and health. Pray that she will be the perfect girl for our family and that we will be the perfect family for her. We will pray for our boys as they prepare to be big brothers. Let’s pray for those who are missing loved ones, especially during this blessed season. It is hard. It hurts. However, I am so thankful for the hope of a future together.

Knock your socks off AMAZING!

November 23, 2014 – a Sunday. WOW! I was just telling one of my best girlfriends that I have a personal “36-hour adjustment period” every time something really amazing or extremely stressful happens to me. Really, I do. I just need to take time and “deal” with the situation. Remind myself who is in charge of the situation (God), who already knew this would happen (God), and what I can do about it (pray/praise/pray). I know all of these things, but I always make good use of my personal adjustment period in order to take in all that God wants me to see. 

Well, here is a story that my shake your socks right off of your feet!  Latest drama: We were told that we needed a new transmission for one of our small SUV’s.  We have 2 small SUV’s and would eventually like to trade one of them in for a longer car (with 2 back seats) once Sister arrives.  While God has already provided money for this adoption (oh, I need to write about that, too!), we have been praying and asking that He would provide money for a new transmission. Even if we do plan to trade this car in for something larger in the future, we need it to be in excellent working order to do so and we really need it now anyway. My husband usually drives the (needs-a-new-transmission-car) to work and I drive the other one.  Ok, on Thursday morning I prayed earnestly again, along with a group of amazing ladies, for this issue and we lifted up their needs, as well. Got home, had a great day, Big O came home and shared that the auto shop that he had taken our car to had come back with a really high price tag. Sigh. I smiled, said that I needed a minute and just, without knowing what in the world else to do, I kneeled down on my floor and prayed. I thanked God for hearing me, reminded Him (& myself) that He would come through for us and then just asked Him again to let us know what he wanted us to do. Then, I got up and went to care for the family. 

Less than 5 minutes later one of my girlfriends called me to check in and see if we still wanted her friend to repair the vehicle for us. Her friend is a really-good friend of theirs and is skilled in all things auto; however, his shop is over an hour away from where we live. So, we worked on a way to get our car out of one repair shop and transferred to another one over an hour away. This is a plan that she and I (two ladies, well, usually we act that way) set into action. So, in the middle of laughing and planning, I apparently hung up on my friend. I called back and left a message. A few minutes later she called me back and said that she and her husband were planning on telling us this news the next day; however, God had told them several times that he wanted them to pay for our transmission. Say, what?!! Gasp. Silence. Sweating and shaking.  Awkward silence. What? 

I tried it all, the “You do not know us that well, what are you doing? Why? And, are you sure?” However, during this amazing transmission of genuine love and obedience, I felt God reminding me of the times that we had given large amounts of love. It DOES feel so good to give. We are not used to receiving gifts like this, but here it was. And, my sweet friend ended our conversation with, “God loves you. He wants us to pay for your transmission and He really wants you to bring home that little girl!”

When the Big O came into the bed room, he found me on the bed crying uncontrollably. This is usually a cue for him to bolt – Oh, how I love him but he just gets so uncomfortable when I get that upset. But, this time, I tried to smile and motioned for him to come closer, I could hardly speak. I simply said, “Our transmission is paid for. God has paid for our transmission.” I told him the whole story. It is still hard to put this into words and comprehend. He did it. He came through. AGAIN. 

Friday, was a whirlwind of phone calls, texts and short conversations. But to convert a long day into a short read, everyone showed up for us again. I was able to pay for the work done to get the transmission out of car (for a reasonable price) with money that was in my business account. (We make wooden blocks in our garage).  The Big O had another friend come through for him and this guy borrowed a trailer from a neighbor and helped pull our car to our home. The next morning, friends & neighbors (well, really brothers and sisters) came over to help move the car back onto another trailer (I was in charge of steering – eek!) and then they pulled it to the other town – over an hour away. WOW! Really. Done. 

Today, we got to worship in church and then celebrate our oldest sons’ birthday. We loved, played and rested. Also, we decided to introduce pictures of Sister to our boys. They seemed enamored with her immediately. They love her name and her sweet face. And, seemingly as just one more gift, I received two more photos of Sister while taking pictures of our oldest at his party. My heart is full. Overwhelmed, actually. Our God is alive, faithful and He loves to give good gifts to His children. 

Prayer Requests: Please, pray for great health and safety for all of our kiddos, both here and in Uganda. 

Please, pray that God will use His supernatural power to push our dossier through and that He will grant us favor with a quick process and court date in Uganda. I pray that our lawyer will be granted favor in these proceedings, as well. 

Please, pray that all of these precious children in the Baby Home will find their forever families and know of God’s intense love for them. 

We will be collecting goodies for the children at the home through the end of the month. If you wish to donate anything or send the box yourself, just message me. Thank you for praying us through this growth of our family! He is working it out for the good of those who love Him!

  

So, this is how my husband and I have been feeling lately - overwhelmed. Just totally overwhelmed with God's love for us, for Sister, for His people. He yearns for a personal relationship with each of us. If you do not know this God, ask me about it, I would love to share more with you and give you a Bible that is easy to read and understand.  For now, enjoy this amazing video clip of their song "Overwhelmed", by Big Daddy Weave.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BiGb14tTaH4

Dossier Day!

November 18, 2014 – a Tuesday. Today was a BIG DAY! We had our dossier notarized and mailed it to Iowa for our wonderful Adoption Agent to review! Hopefully, if everything was included and looks good, she will send this to our lawyer in Uganda for us soon. Yep. We have a lawyer in Uganda! Crazy, right?!

A picture of us with our sweet, sweet Notary. She was a trouper!! Our official dossier was over an inch thick! Check it out!

What does this mean?! Well, first it helps us introduce ourselves to the nation of Uganda and lets them know that we are serious about bringing Sister home. Second, this should help to apply gentle pressure on the Baby Home to finish up Sister’s social report. We need to know that this girl is really OURS! Our boys have not seen Sister’s photos – we just have to be as certain as possible before they fall in love with her pictures.  

Our amazing adoption agency will also hire a non-biased third party to conduct their own background check to confirm that Sister is adoptable. As hard as this is with feelings involved, I indeed want what is best for Sister. If family is found then she will go to them.  My mind and my heart are two different organs; however, I have spent the last couple of years doing my best to train them both to follow God’s will. This means that as much as I want Sister in my arms, if there is family in Uganda for her then I will have to be happy for her. I am trusting God and we have decided to follow His plan for Sister’s life. Yes, we desperately want to bring her here and this be her home. However, if that is not His plan for her, we must be happy that she will be reunited with relatives.  This love-thing is just tough.  But this is the part of adoption that adoptive parents must embrace. Adoption, while amazingly beautiful, is born out of tragedy.  Sister may always wonder and grieve over her biological parents. Who could blame her? When reading, preparing and learning about this, I asked the Big O what he thought about that. His response, “We will just grieve with her and support her to the best of our ability.” Aww, I just love this man. What else can we really do? Family’s loves, family’s support, family’s do things together. Come here, Sister, we will walk this road with you.

So, what to wait on now….. Well, first off, we are still waiting on that social report that this girl is ours! Please, pray that this will come in quickly. Next, once her legal name and birthdate are known, we will send another official form to the USCIS (with all of that information) so that they can approve it and send this information on to the US Embassy in Kampala, Uganda. The Big O and I will also have to pay for and get our fingerprints done – AGAIN – but hey, what can I say. The last time I tried to complain to the fingerprinting guy about having to get fingerprinted numerous times when fingerprints really do not change, he scared me with scary scenarios about having are fingers cut off or receiving a big gash in one’s finger or thumb. It was gross and horrifying. Lesson learned – never complain to a person who makes an honest living collecting people’s fingerprints about having to do that several times in one year.

I spoke to our Adoption Agent today and asked if she could find out how many kiddos are currently at the Baby Home. I would love to send over a big box of dum dums (lollipops) for Christmas, along with a few other goodies. Would you like to donate something to this box or pay to ship it? Let us know and we will share the fun! Seriously, what is better than giving something to children who would really cherish that gift and put it to good use?

Please, pray for amazing favor in the timing of this process. We have been warned that not much may get accomplished during the entire month of December. We will accept this if we must. However, we will continue to pray that things will move along quickly and smoothly. We are still hopeful that we can possibly bring Sister home in the spring. We will wait on God’s perfect timing, and while we are waiting, we will hope that it comes in the spring!

Please, pray that God will continue to provide for this adoption. So far, He has indeed shown up and provided for this. We ask for His continued faithfulness and provision.

We are having work done on one of our cars. It is still our hope to sell it in the future in order to purchase a new (for us) car with two back seats so that sweet Little O will not be squished between two big car seats. Please, join us in prayer that the right car for our family will come along when the time is right. And, most especially, that we will be able to afford it. I do not know where that money will come from but I do look forward to seeing how God will provide us with it!

Our family has had our share of being “under attack” these last couple of weeks. This statement means that we have had a lot thrown at us, often suddenly, and from all sides – financially, physically, and psychologically. It was really tough for a while. While the truth about our God never changes, our dependence on Him can vary. I often think that He allows such things in order to draw us closer to Him, to remind us that He has got this all figured out anyway. Looking back, I can already see His handprints over so many things during some serious struggles.  However, I ask that if you are willing, to pray for continued protection over our family and Sister. I can still recall how comforted I was when others told me that they were praying for us. Amazing.

Well, this is it until next time. I hope to be able to share Sister’s photos with you all soon! Thank you for joining us on this journey!

So, it's been a while....

November 16, 2014 – a Sunday. WOW. Hard to believe that it has been almost 2 months since I have shared an update. Forgive me. We have been blessed with a few bits of news; however, our family has also been under attack. For Christians, the term “under attack” simply means that the devil is throwing a ton of difficulties at you all at once. In our case, this was at least three solid weeks of dealing with sudden behavior issues at school for one of our boys, car problems, forgotten appointments  by both myself and other professionals, incredible stress when my husband was out of town, health issues and a few more things that I am unable to share at this time. As Believers, we know just to hang on tight during such times. Christ has already won the battle. Walking through these times can be tough but holding on to this truth really does help. 

Plus, we have been blessed with incredible friends who really have rallied around us and cheered us on during these tough times. Again, I stand amazed at how God showers my family with love during times of trial and times of simple enjoyment. Friends suddenly called me “out of the blue” when we were most in need. I shared our pain, they shared their opinions and EVERY TIME I got off the phone feeling relieved, normal, less stressed and amazed at how God moved to have these dear friends (family, really) lift us up and offer encouragement. 

We are still dealing with a few things and continue to pray for God to let us know how we should respond. We wait expectantly and patiently for His reply. He always shows us. There is no one as faithful as my God. 

Fun news: We received unofficial confirmation that our little girl is HIV Negative! This is HUGE, as we are unable to adopt a child with HIV as our Little Olaf is immuno-compromised himself. I remember reading this email vividly, as I burst into tears of joy and called the Big O immediately. 

A few weeks later, a kind lady who just returned from visiting her soon-to-be-kiddos from Uganda shared some photos that she had took of our little girl! Both she and the lady who runs the baby home said identical things about our girl! They both referred to her as “a doll”! My new, sweet friend who spent time with her while she was at the home told me that she could not say enough positive things about her! She is sweet, physically tiny, fun and loves to cuddle! AWWW! I can hardly wait to wrap my arms around her and keep her close the entire flight home! We were blessed with two cuddly boys and now we will receive a cuddly little lady, as well! My heart is full!

Two weeks ago we received a “favorable” notice back from USCIS. They agreed that we would be allowed to bring sister back to the States with us in due time. The next step is to get her legal name, birth date, etc and fill out & send in another fun form. Whatever – bring it!

Also, our agency felt that it was time that we send the donation portion of our fees to the baby home. This was such an exciting check! Well, we did it online, but work with me here! A sizable portion of our fees to Uganda will go directly to the baby home where Sister is cared for. We were more than happy to send this in. Giving money feels good. 

Unfortunately, to date we are still waiting on her official social report (which should include details of how Sister came to the Baby Home). But, last week our sweet adoption agent sent us a video of our little girl! In it she was happily playing with a baby doll and even danced! Oh, we treasure this! 

We have still not shown the pictures and video to our boys since she is not quite 100% “ours” yet. I will say that the concept of patience has become easier to endure. I still do not like it, but we will endure. It really is like being pregnant with an elephant. This is good – just painfully long. I yearn to hold this precious person.

Thank you all for your encouragement during this time! I appreciate all of your questions, posts, comments and genuine love. 

Prayer requests: please pray for the health of our family both here and in Uganda. It is freezing cold in our home town right now and I pray that our boys will stay healthy. We pray that sister will stay safe and healthy were she is at right now, as well. 

We plan to send off our official dossier to Uganda this week! This is a MEGA BIG DEAL! The country of Uganda will now know that we are serious! And, this involves a fee (Yikes!) and a kind notary who may indeed donate an hour of their precious time. We will send this to our amazing agent in Iowa. She will review it and then send it on to our lawyer in Uganda. Yep! We have an official lawyer in Uganda!

Please, pray that God will let us know what He wants us to do with our cars. We own two small SUV’s. One is continuing to give us fits and we are pretty sure it needs a new transmission. Ugh. It is one of those questions, “Is this care worth paying for a new transmission?” However, even if we do sell it, we would want to sell it in good working condition. However, this is all about money. We have set aside what we can for the adoption. Car repair of this magnitude will eat into that account. We need prayer here, please. Ideally, I would love to trade this car in for a larger one with two back seats so that when Sister gets here our Little O will not be literally squished in the middle. I keep telling myself, this is a want, not a need. But oh would it be handy. Anyway, if someone would lift this issue up in prayer, that would be most appreciated. 

Please, pray that Sister’s social report will come in soon. There is still such a long way to go however these little things are HUGE to our family! We long to show these photos to our boys and I want to send Sister, and her fellow friends, some fun things for Christmas. I can send a big box of candy and toys to the Baby Home; however, I would love to be able to include something special for our little girl.

Fixing our eyes...

September 17, 2014 – a Wednesday. Our case worker had warned me that the adoption process would be an emotional roller coaster and she has been right on target thus far. Our family has been praying for this little girl, our “sister” for-ev-er. It seems like we have been in this process for so long now, but at the same time we still have such a long way to go. This is definitely longer than pregnancy. However, the emotions are strikingly similar, although the things I worry about are a bit different.

We now have a picture of this beautiful little girl. I look at it more than once-a-day. I realized today that I am grieving for this child. I have become a mother longing for her child. The miraculous conversion of “that child” becoming “my child” has taken place. Now, I know – this little girl may not yet be ours. There are many things that we must wait on before we can definitely call her our own. However, while we REALLY hope that she belongs to our family, she represents the child that we will one day bring home. We pray for her and all orphans. However, it has become real now. We are more than spiritually, mentally and financially invested in this – this is emotional.

I miss my baby. Yes, the one that I have not yet met. But I miss her the same. I have been so focused on praying for her with our boys that I had not noticed their longing for her as well. On the way to school yesterday, Olaf asked me when sister was going to come home. It hit me; they are emotionally invested in this precious person, as well. We have yet to show them the picture, as we are still waiting to hear if she is “our girl”. However, they love her already. We have a room for her that they play in daily. There is two pair of girl shoes, a few girl clothes and girly toys. We are all aware of her presence, though she is not here yet. We are all missing sister. 

Last night I told the Big O how tired I was, and then said that I bet I will be even more exhausted once we have all three kiddos at home. While I enjoy my alone time while the boys are in school, I am so lonely without our daughter. I long to know what she is doing, what her favorite food is, who her friends are, how she likes to sleep….. This is hard. 

We continue to hold our heads up and wait for the phone call that will give us more information. We wait for our USCIS application to come through and look forward to the day when we can send another one back with her name and information on it. We pray, we prepare, we read, we talk, we hope, we wonder, we are ready. In the meantime, please pray for our girl and please pray for our boys who miss their sister. They cannot wait to share their world with her. 

Please, pray for us to keep on going. We are reading, applying for grants, just doing life. But, we want to do it with sister. During these more difficult times, our family has developed our “adoption mantra”. This comes from a Christian song that we all love. The boys and I frequently jam out to this while driving. If you have never heard Christian music then you are in for a treat! This song, “Fix My Eyes” by the band, For King and Country, reminds us to keep our eyes on God, the one who put this whole plan into motion in the first place. This helps us to stay positive and keep moving forward while we wait.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yd2we03Sy4I

Best Birthday Gift Ever ! (this is a good one!)

September 9, 2014 – a Tuesday. Wow! A lot of time has passed, please forgive me! Updates: a small one is that the Big O and I have to get our fingerprinting done for the USCIS (that big application that we sent to Dallas) on Friday. While I feel certain that our fingerprints have not changed since giving them for state and federal checks, this is “part of the process” and so we must oblige. Sigh.

However, on Friday, we received BIG NEWS! We have an unofficial super-soft match! What in the world does this mean, you ask? Well, our agency considers a “soft match” when a photo and a file on child’s social background is presented to the adoptive couple & the couple accepts. Thus saying, “yes, please move forward”. A social background includes how the child made it to the orphanage (relinquished, abandoned, etc.) and may include some details regarding their health. With a “soft match”, this guarantees that the adoptive family will receive that specific child, if they choose, after a confirmation of their health comes through. After that, they wait for the government to do their part.

With our “super soft match” this means that all that our case worker has is this little girl’s name, age, and photo – not even a birth date. So, we know nothing about her social or medical history. Well, of course, we just had to see her picture and, of course, fell head over heels with her immediately! As our case worker warned us, we have to try to guard our hearts. However, I love the way that my husband put it, he said, “We will pray for her, as someone will adopt her.” I find comfort in this. While I am even more fervently praying for her, I pray for her future family, as well. Yes, yes, I hope that we are that family, but if not, we have got them covered in prayer.

Can I tell you the best part about this news?!!! Our case worker received that picture on my husbands’ birthday!!! Yes, OUR GOD IS SO GOOD – he delivered the best present possible! We did not get the news until the next day since our case worker and I were playing phone tag all day the previous day. How AMAZING is that?! Seriously, when she told me that she just had a picture and an age, I smiled, I laughed, I cried.  The ability to put a precious face to all of this work was just overwhelming. I can compare it to the first time a mother can hear her baby’s heart beat and see a picture of a small little being on the sonogram screen. It was just like that! How awesome to deliver that to us as we were celebrating my husbands’ birthday? It was the best gift ever.

So, as of now we are looking forward to getting more fingerprinting done on Friday and really looking forward to hearing more information about that precious little girl as soon as it comes in. Our case worker has good contact with her baby home. But, as she put it, we are now on “Africa Time” – meaning, it will come in when it comes in. We hope that we will know more by the end of the week; however, it could be six weeks. Ugh, bittersweet patience.

Also, two precious people have given us donations towards our adoption costs. You know who you are. Thank you all so very much. Everything helps and we truly appreciate it. While we are confident that all will be taken care of, the cost of it all can seem daunting. Therefore, we just look at it in “clumps”. We just look at the clump in front of us and plan to tackle the other clumps as they arrive.

Speaking of money, I really need to get cracking on our adoption grant applications. These are really in-depth and quite a big deal. I just need to force myself to buckle down.  We also still keep busy reading our adoption books. We have almost completed, “The Handbook of International Adoption Medicine” and I have already jumped into, “A Hope Deferred”, as recommended by a dear friend. Next on the list is “The Weavers Craft” – a book on adopting toddlers.

So, this is us and what has been going on in our world. We have not shared this photo and information with our boys yet, as we worry that they might grow too attached. However, they both continue to pray for “sister” every night. This just warms my heart. This little lady is so loved already by so many people. Oh, how we look forward to her joining our family!