September 17, 2014 – a Wednesday. Our case worker had warned me that the adoption process would be an emotional roller coaster and she has been right on target thus far. Our family has been praying for this little girl, our “sister” for-ev-er. It seems like we have been in this process for so long now, but at the same time we still have such a long way to go. This is definitely longer than pregnancy. However, the emotions are strikingly similar, although the things I worry about are a bit different.
We now have a picture of this beautiful little girl. I look at it more than once-a-day. I realized today that I am grieving for this child. I have become a mother longing for her child. The miraculous conversion of “that child” becoming “my child” has taken place. Now, I know – this little girl may not yet be ours. There are many things that we must wait on before we can definitely call her our own. However, while we REALLY hope that she belongs to our family, she represents the child that we will one day bring home. We pray for her and all orphans. However, it has become real now. We are more than spiritually, mentally and financially invested in this – this is emotional.
I miss my baby. Yes, the one that I have not yet met. But I miss her the same.
I have been so focused on praying for her with our boys that I had not noticed their longing for her as well. On the way to school yesterday, Olaf asked me when sister was going to come home. It hit me; they are emotionally invested in this precious person, as well. We have yet to show them the picture, as we are still waiting to hear if she is “our girl”. However, they love her already. We have a room for her that they play in daily. There is two pair of girl shoes, a few girl clothes and girly toys. We are all aware of her presence, though she is not here yet. We are all missing sister.
Last night I told the Big O how tired I was, and then said that I bet I will be even more exhausted once we have all three kiddos at home. While I enjoy my alone time while the boys are in school, I am so lonely without our daughter. I long to know what she is doing, what her favorite food is, who her friends are, how she likes to sleep….. This is hard.
We continue to hold our heads up and wait for the phone call that will give us more information. We wait for our USCIS application to come through and look forward to the day when we can send another one back with her name and information on it. We pray, we prepare, we read, we talk, we hope, we wonder, we are ready.
In the meantime, please pray for our girl and please pray for our boys who miss their sister. They cannot wait to share their world with her.
Please, pray for us to keep on going. We are reading, applying for grants, just doing life. But, we want to do it with sister.
During these more difficult times, our family has developed our “adoption mantra”. This comes from a Christian song that we all love. The boys and I frequently jam out to this while driving. If you have never heard Christian music then you are in for a treat! This song, “Fix My Eyes” by the band, For King and Country, reminds us to keep our eyes on God, the one who put this whole plan into motion in the first place. This helps us to stay positive and keep moving forward while we wait.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yd2we03Sy4I
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