Hopefully waiting

May 25, 2015 – a Monday. Oh, I have needed to write for so long. Waiting, waiting, waiting. What does this feel like? It is boring. Sometimes it feels like you are forgotten.  Often, it is lonely. I call our adoption agent every 2-3 weeks just to “check in”. She knows that we are here and that we are still waiting on a placement; however, I do this for me and she is gracious enough to share her time. It is hard. We still pray for Sister and our probable other Sister. The boys get confused; things are weird, just so hard to explain. However, I can say that while this is still painful, and I still cry, it is getting easier. 

Recently, it was explained to us how we can begin sponsoring our first Sister! We are excited about this as it is SOMETHING that we can do for her. We are also waiting to see where she will stay. The wonderful Baby Home that she is currently in is a temporary option at this point. We are waiting and watching – I hate to be vague again; however, we still are unable to share too much information about this at this point. So, that is movement, I guess.

Now, we are waiting on another placement – this means another sweet child to love on. This is hard but also something to look forward to. Another little one to love, another hope, another heartbreak, another chance……..just a big ball of emotions.

There have been many times during this past month that I have told God, “I do not like this.” There have been times that I have questioned why He would allow this to happen. It is great that a family can be potentially reunited but why does this have to hurt so much? Is He aware of empty I feel? How awful this pain is? I feel certain that He does. He knows.  I am reminded that this pain is small in comparison to how Jesus must have felt after being rejected by so many who claimed to love him, as he hung on that cross. It keeps me close to Him. He who knows, who understands – that is where I put my trust. He comforts me as no human can. Oh, yes, He knows. 

As often as I tell him that I do not like this, I feel him responding to me, telling me simply, “I know.” You see, we do not have to like our circumstances, but we must trust Him through the storm. This God of ours is into character-building as much as He is into any other good thing that he does. He is molding our characters to look more like His Son – and this is no easy task, I assure you.  

And, so we wait. Patiently waiting on news and a photo that will capture our hearts again. Fully hoping to bring a precious person home, knowing that circumstances could dictate a different ending again. We wait. Heads held high. Hearts joyful. Enjoying every day while anxiously awaiting THAT day when the daydreaming of our girl begins anew. 

Thank you for praying for our family and our Ugandan daughters. We are so thankful.